Homestudy Part 1

Well, last night he came. The man who will decide our fate in the adoption world. It was so much less painful than I thought it would be and we got the caseworker who had come to some of the trainings so we already knew him and I already felt he was gonna be a pretty nice guy. Mostly we filled out paperwork and our caseworker talked with us briefly about our expectations (what kind of kid we wanted to take in). All this was done at the dining room table around a fresh batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies. In my nervousness I gave in to my carnal self and ate too many, of course! The next meeting is in one week and he says he's going to try to finish up with us that night. That night he'll be truly interviewing us and I suppose that will be the time that will make it or break it. If you want to pray for us you can--pray that I won't say anything stupid and that Tim will somehow find the time to finish his paperwork in spite of huge stuff at work and writing his enormous project to finish his degree.

Mostly after this experience I am feeling great relief. This means we're in the final stretch of what has turned out to be a long wait and has been a road full of unexpected twists and turns. Who would have thought a year ago that we would be finishing up to become adoptive foster parents? God always has so much more in mind for us than we ever think of.

School at Home

Tim and I decided last year after trying the working mom thing that the stress wasn't worth it. Even though I was with Ezra at school and we came home together, there just wasn't enough of me to go around. Ultimately, Ezra's well-being is more important than a career or a paycheck so we decided to homeschool. I gotta tell you, this year has been one of the most rewarding of my life. The closeness I have experienced with Ezra simply could not have happened had he gone to school this year. He has become a more content child in the process. Fortunately, many of his best friends were homeschooled too and the ones who aren't live within blocks of our home so he has enjoyed the best of both worlds. I have seen him grow spiritually as well and was surprized in January when he asked if he could get baptized and this time he actually knew what that meant! (The last time he asked about this he said he thought it would be a great idea because he had learned how to go underwater.) Homeschooling has given our whole family a foundation we would have missed out on even if he had gone to a Christian school and I'm so glad God led us in that direction!

Cece

I babysit full time for an eighteen month old girl named Cece. Currently she is standing beside me admiring the sticker I just placed on her hand and licking it. Ahh, the joys of childhood. Anyhow, we are quite smitten with her and she has us all (including Tim)wrapped around her little finger!

What are we thinking?

For those of you who don't know, Tim and I not only are pursuing adoption through the foster care system, we are also becoming what is termed "theraputic foster parents" to do so. This isn't as scary as it sounds--although it could be, depending on what our specifications are as to what type of child we will take. These kids are being referred to a private agency from the county and because we are going to be a pre-adoptive home, we will only be taking in children who a. already have been legally and permanently separated from their birth parents or b. who have been targeted as a potentially adoptable child, meaning the case worker has good reason to believe the child/children will never go back to their birth parents. The realm of special needs children can seem much more daunting than it actually has to be. There is a very broad definition of special needs and I found a succinct definition I would like to share so that anyone who is concerned about this decision our family has made can have some of their confusion and/or fears addressed. This was taken from an article entitled "We're All in this Together" that appeared in the July/August issue of Adoptive Families magazine in 2001.

"The term "special needs" is one that sends chills down the spine of a potential adoptive parent, because it suggests that the child has a severe intellectual or physical impairment. In truth, the adoption world defines "special needs" as any child who is not an infant, is part of a sibling group, had prenatal exposure to drugs and alcohol, has had multiple caregivers, or who has been the victim of neglect or abuse. In essence, nearly all adopted children, regardless of their place of birth, fit the definition."

Excerpt

The following is an excerpt from "Parenting the Hurt Child"

"The thing that had a huge impact on him was when the police took him from home one week before his legalization and placed him in a detention home for one night. We picked him up in the morning, and he thought we were nuts. People had given him back for less than that. A week later we adopted him. The most important thing you can do for a detached child is keep him."

"Be responsible. Be realistic about your expectations of the child. Set aside the techniques that have worked with other kids--you'll need to be creative with this one. Weird stuff works. Learn to step out of the chaos and be supportive rather than engage in fighting. Give up being embarrassed. Your child's behavior is shocking to people, so expect mixed reactions. Your child's life is more important than anyone's opinion of you or your child--or your methods of dealing with him."

Taken from the testimony of a mother who adopted her eight year old son out of foster care. Hers was his eleventh home.

Reflecting on Adoption

So a few months ago we decided to pursue adoption through the Foster Care System. In February we completed a gazillion hours of training that was informative but not particularly surprising. As we have waited to begin our homestudy (which officially begins on April 27th) I have checked out some books on adoption and have really tried to get a feel for how this decision is going to affect our family and also the children we take in to be our own. In some ways I have looked at this differently than adopting from overseas but I am realizing we would have probably dealt with similar issues--we just would have gone broke in the process. At least when you do fostering to adopt you get some help! Anyway, in addition to some phenominal advice from gifted therapists, social workers, and foster parents I have gleaned one very disturbing idea from my reading and processing. Our joy at growing our family will be our new children's suffering. Wow.

Starting Over

I am attempting to have a blog that actually has posts. This may or may not work--I don't have a very good track record. However, there are some interesting things happening in my life right now that I feel the need to share and this seems the best way to do it. It is much cheaper than printing off a bunch of letters and sending them out anyway...

I have found of late that writing my thoughts down is somehow theraputic and often ends up helping me think things through more thoroughly. This is a curious thing for an extrovert to discover. I guess Tim is rubbing off on me more than I thought. After all, this month we will have been married eleven years and we still like each other!