Dogs for Dummies

Considering a dog for your household? Here is everything you need to know.

PROs

• Dogs wrestle playfully with children, and the children love it.
• Dogs will fetch anytime, day or night.
• Walking the dog is a great excuse to take a break.

CONs*

• Dogs bark.
• Dogs drink out of the toilet, but splash in the water bowl.
• If you'd rather not go out, too bad: Dogs cannot walk themselves.
  
• Dogs poop twice a day -- more if you take them to the park. You have to clean it up.
• Dogs roll in other dogs' poop if they find it in the yard or at the park.
• Dogs can learn to hold it for ten hours a day, every weekday, and do this for a whole school year. When you decide to become a stay-at-home Mom, dogs poop and pee everywhere in the house even though you walk them twice more daily than before.
• Dogs eat their own poop. They leave just enough so you know they did.

• Dogs eat other dogs' poop.
• Dogs eat the cat's poop from the litter box.**
• Dogs like to watch you poop. If you couldn't flush, they would eat it.
• Dogs vomit. Later, they come back and eat it.
• Dogs poop all over the house. Oh, I already mentioned that.
• Dogs prefer pooping on carpeted areas, especially light-colored carpet.
• Dogs drag garbage out of the kitchen wastecan and eat it. They prefer moldy vegetables, decaying meat, old candy, egg shells, and dirty diapers. Anything, really.
• Dogs slurp decaying mammals at the park, and then roll in their remains.
  
  Any questions?
  
  
  (*Does not apply to dogs who are actually human, like Kiddie.)
  (**Would be a PRO if it didn't cause gas, diarrhea and hell-itosis.)